I just came back home. I’ve been out all night. I had gone to visit my brother to talk to him about myself. I can hardly remember a time when I went to him for any kind of advice or help. But this one, I needed. So I didn’t think, didn’t tell anyone and just left. It was about midnight then.
After having talked to him for a while, it was time to come back home even though I wasn’t sure I got what I was looking for. But then a friend called to tell me he was out somewhere and had an accident. A seemingly minor one but it caused him a fracture in the leg which made it difficult for him to even move it.
We spent about an hour asking people and finding a hospital somewhere in the town. We found two. One was closed. The other one had no doctor and when I insisted, the nurse called one but he said he couldn’t come and we’d have to be back in the morning. There seemed no way but to go to a chemist and get a painkiller at least. Although I am against the use of drugs this way (I’d prefer if a professional actually prescribed something, but even then I am not very convinced of it always), he really needed something to put him to rest till the morning at least.
Something told me to prevent him from taking the medicines we’d just gotten and wait for some time. I still had hope and not very far from where we were, we did find a hospital which was not just open 24×7 but had a doctor available as well. Funnily, as life can always be, that hospital is just across the road from where my apartment building is! I had checked it once while coming here but the doors seemed locked and there was no sign of a light inside turned on. And this time, I still tried knocking and very pleasantly, a nurse opened and she smiled & nodded when I asked her if a doctor was available. I realized then that we should never hesitate to try or ask for something. I always try to tell this to myself but never really follow it. I am going to try to remember it from now on. An effort wasted is better than a step withheld in doubt or assumption.
The doctor did the usual check-up, gave him medicines and after the usual form-filling and payment ritual, I left him to sleep with an assurance that I’d be back in a couple of hours when the sun would have risen. It is after all only 15 steps away from my place and he has no one else there for him right now.
I came back, freshened up and made myself a cup of tea. I knew I couldn’t rest for a few minutes too because if I sleep, I’d not wake up till the evening. So here I am trying to write this in my journal and trying to keep myself up. I met a friend online before I had even begun typing this. We talked for a while and it was an interesting conversation. She has cancer and she’s one of the most optimistic people I’ve seen in a while. Although she won’t be dying anytime soon (not out of cancer anyway, knock on wood!), her life has turned upside down, to put it mildly. Somehow, she manages to get a lot of inspiration from somewhere and also passes it on. Sometimes, even without knowing it herself. 🙂
The ticking never stops.
The empty cup rests besides me on a stool and the taste of tea still remains with the slight fragrance that put me to rest a while ago. The clock in the room shows the only time it is capable of showing but the pendulum keeps swinging. It’s a symbol of stillness when we keep on moving through life so fast. Four people, since yesterday, have either directly told me or given me the impression that they are busy and would rather not be bothered. I shall let them be and not complain. But I make one promise to myself- whenever someone I love wants me around, I’d lose a month’s hard-earned fortune, if that’s what it would take, but be there for them. And I called someone to tell exactly that. Someone I feel something for but have no way of expressing. And I feel like a fool when I run after her like a dog chasing a running car, when it’s certain it would never be able to catch it. If the dog could, however, read the bumper sticker on the car, he’d never give up, for it says “Keep hope alive…it’s the only way you can smile always!!!!”