When you wake up guessing the tune that was Isn’t it Romantic and find yourself humming Moonriver.
Some people do. Others make people believe they’ve done.
I’ve always held a high regard for one of the greatest scientists this planet has ever seen. He was like the Batman. In that, he was more than just a scientist. He invented things and tried to make this world a better place and never bothered about his reputation. I first read about his real story in a Linda Goodman book and then, he was everywhere. I think the world owes him a word of gratitude, if not anything more.
It is not what I am underneath that matters but what I do that defines me.
I speak less and less
As time goes by
Further you move
With anything that I try
A step closer if I take
You go back a dozen
If I smile, you smile
But there’s no warmth in it
And when I go away
You don’t miss me a bit
It pains me much to see this die
Before my very eyes
And when it dies
If no one cries
It will not surprise me
For I’ve had it once
And I’ve had it more
And I am anything
This will end
When it has to
Today there’s us
Tomorrow, there will be
me and you.
Who am I to forgive you,
And for what?
For wanting to be happy?
Or for bringing us to naught?
How can you believe that I hate you!
When I promised forever, and otherwise?
You must be a fool, my dear
To not see it in my weary eyes.
Fun and laughter, before and after,
Sought and found, both smiles and cries
What would be 90 days against eternity!
Oh! in love, a moment does suffice.
Days pass by like minutes. I don’t realize when it’s over and a new cycle of sunrise and sunset follows. It’s meaningless and trivial to know anyway but lately, it has caused people around me some troubles. I’ve been late many times and I’ve procrastinated much.
When I drink coffee or tea, it has to be hot. My throat needs to feel the heat inside. Otherwise, it is like I never had anything.
The computer has become nothing but a tool. Entertainment has the highest priority with which I have no particular problem but it should not be hogging all my time.
Practicing the guitar does not come to mind when I feel bored and am sitting idle. And when I am with someone and doing something, a side look at it lying there makes me feel guilty.
Books, I try to read but they make me fall asleep. During the day or the night. There’s no difference. I have not been able to read anything for more than 30 minutes without feeling the urge to sleep. At times I’ve given in and slept but I have learnt how to ignore it too. But the reading cannot be continued after that.
The dream phase is here again. I can again remember my dreams. They are not as bizarre as they have been before but they still lack meaning. There is again a blank face there. It’s confusing and frustrating. So I tend not to think much of it during the day. And I forget about it in a day or two. But I want to document everything.
Material desires have been very overwhelming. I have things and I want things. But what I really need is peace. And some love. I need to be pushed. I need to be kicked. I need to be made aware of mys-elf.
I talked to her again. I’d have hardly imagined anything going right, but it was wonderful.
I’ve been putting things off quite a lot lately. My friends don’t complain when I do. But I know that I need not test their patience.
I have to learn to find balance between giving in love and desiring in love. It’s all topsy-turvy. I cannot accept the apology. But I cannot fail to be empathetic either.
I have not written long emails in a long time. Sigh.
Somewhere between the totally subconscious state of free association writing and the completely conscious process of drafting-writing-editing, this is written.
P.S. I dwell on promises made to me and assurances given too. Is it wrong to expect a person to fulfill what they promised even if currently they are not very capable of doing it? I wonder what’s the point of a promise then.
I am silent. I am patient. I am loving and I am not mean. I am away but I am here.
Oh Cathy, why won’t you come to me?
I wait for you, and I’ve waited an eternity.
I breathe and live only to see your face once more
Once! before I die and lay in earth with you at peace.
Haunt me! Drive me mad! Take any form but come to me!
Take me with you, only do not leave me in this abyss
Where I cannot find you; where there’s not a single joy for me.
I shall live, die and not utter a sigh, if you were to come back, only to say good bye.
Oh Cathy! You were my only joy on earth and I ask not for more,
Don’t find me unsuitable to be with, now that you’re no more!
Talk to me and let me hear that alluring voice again
Say my name, oh for once, and ease me of all my pain
Come hither dear Cathy, my love,
Come from the land beneath or the sky above!
Bring me not joy or peace, for they mean not a thing to me,
Just come to me, you’re all I wish to see.
My body aches from the pain of revenge and sullenness,
And my soul longs to unite with it’s other-half.
I forgave my murderer but yours I could not!
Come, if only to seek revenge, it’s better than naught!
Your soul shall not rest in peace for a moment
While I shall live, and I’ll keep summoning you,
In hopes to save me from myself, from this life I so loathe.
Come once Cathy! Either murder me or give me the will of a life anew!
Written from the point of view of Heathcliff who cannot bear the separation from his other half, Cathy. He longs to see her again after she’s gone and imagines the time when she died.